Je n’ai aucune pensée, mais…

quelquefois on doit ecrire. Même si on ne veut pas le faire.

D’accord, où est-ce que je devrais commencer?  En quatres jours, je retournerai à Boston. C’est vrai, mes parents iront avec moi, mais je ne suis pas prête de partir. Ici, je ne m’inquiète pas et je m’amuse. Là, je m’amuse de temps en temps, mais ce n’est pas comme ici. Je ne sais pas. Donne-moi une baguette de fée, s’il te plaît!

Something old.

I’m not going to go in-depth, but here goes an attempt to push myself just a little bit more towards what I am generally less willing to talk about.

A primary goal of mine, entering college, was to elevate the confidence / assertiveness. That was one thing that I thought I really, really lacked. Being willing and able to not be a pushover in conversations, for instance. As far as personality tests go, debate their legitimacy all you want, 89% introvert is what I might have guessed for myself. That includes an almost obsessive and constant self-analysis, self-evaluation, yes, self-criticism, and attempts to change what I consider faulty. So I make the effort to be assertive. I very deliberately make at least two comments/ questions during class, I join the Ultimate Frisbee team, I challenge people’s viewpoints. An unwanted side-effect has been emerging I think. Confidence so easily becomes pressure, tends to make people uncomfortable. Sometimes (most of the time I hope), this is done unwittingly. Sometimes though, it isn’t. Sometimes it’s no more than wanting to debunk or challenge someone’s point. Argument for the sake of argument. That’s pretty troubling.

7.14.2008